Mommy is... well, to put it bluntly, a bitch.

She's so angry all the time! The stupidest thing will set her off. She yells at us more now. It's like, before, we could do whatever and get away with it because we're cute. But now she doesn't seem to notice our cuteness! What is wrong with her?

I have to admit, though, it's nice to see her yelling at the outdoor creatures (the ones that invade our house). They deserve it. We are far superior to them and maybe Mommy is just now realizing it.

But jeez - I get annoyed at her too sometimes, ya know? And I don't yell at her! We're abused, I tell you. ABUSED.

If she's not paying attention some time and I get outside, I think I'll just run away. That'll teach her! Anakin did that the other night... I think he wanted her to chase him around like she usually does but she just got pissed off and told him to stay out in the cold all night for all she cared. Now, if Mommy had said that to me, I would have taught her a lesson by running away and making her sorry she said mean things to me. But my doofus brother came back to the door wanting in before bedtime. *facepaw* No guts.

I'm the bravest one around here. Did I ever mention that I'm the only one not afraid of that really loud machine that runs over the carpets? The others all flee as soon as they hear it, but I just stay where I'm at and watch it. Even when it comes right up close to me. Maybe they never noticed that it STAYS on the carpet? So, DUH, if you're on the couch you're safe?

I live with a bunch of idiots.

Happy New Year.

~ Snickers

Mommy's leaving us for the weekend. Hopefully Uncle Brian remembers to feed us.

You know what Mommy did yesterday? She LOCKED ME IN A BATHROOM CABINET FOREEEEVVVVVERRRRR. I don't know how long it was but it was right after we ate breakfast, and then she went wherever she goes during the daytime... and came back and STILL didn't let me out. What did I do to deserve such punishment?

I made as big of a mess as I could to show my displeasure. Though I did not "do my business" in there -- if I was gonna be hanging out in there for possibly days, I wanted it to be clean.

She finally came over and acted like she just then heard me scratching at the door trying to get out. And then she was all mushy and dopey, hugging me and begging for forgiveness. She claims it was an accident, that she thought my dorky brother was the only cat who had gone in there so she closed the door when he left. (They have these things on them that make them "baby proof" so I couldn't just push the doors open!) I don't know, she can be pretty mean sometimes... brushing us, even when we whine that it hurts when she gets to a knot... taking us to the torture chamber... picking us up and cuddling us against our will!

I might forgive her when she comes back. I'll have to mull that over. I'm pretty traumatized still. Never mind the fact that I just tried to go in there again when she had the door open this morning.

~ Snickers

Mommy wondered who I would attach myself to since Pants doesn't live here anymore.

I'm telling you, it's slim pickin's now. I usually just hang out by myself, or close to Mommy. But I have my snuggly moments:

( Photographic evidence )

Mommy made Gryffin go up there for the picture; he wouldn't stay.

Wanna hear something freaky? Mommy was talking to Pants' ghost this morning. I think she's losing it. If anyone would have a spiritual connection to her, it would be me, her best friend of the same species! And I didn't hear a thing. Mommy swears she heard her meowing. And that there was a kitty trying to come in from the garage... it wasn't any of us because we were all in the same room, in plain sight.

It is nice and breezy today, and Mommy has the patio door open (to the screened-in room), so maybe the wind is playing tricks. I can't wait until she closes that door and doofball Gryffin doesn't notice, and goes crashing into the glass! He's done it before, and it's sooooo funny.

~ Snickers

My BFF Pants is sick. Hopefully it's nothing serious; we'll probably know more tomorrow. I'll edit this post then. It's actually not her teeth, like Mommy thought -- she has an abscess in her cheek. ( EDIT )

I am perfectly healthy, so forcing me to go to the Torture Chamber was unnecessary... but Pants liked having me there. She was so scared she... uh... had herself a little accident on the way in. Mommy's attempt to clean her up with paper towels was kind of pathetic, so when Pants came to me in my jail cell she brought some ick with her. But I didn't complain. Pants was doing enough crying for the both of us! (poor Pants had to get a bath after that. Yuck)

I was a very good girl, even during that horribly invasive anal temperature taking deal -- ugh, that is the worst. I got my nails done while I was there, too! My claws are all pretty-ful now.

I weigh 10 pounds, 12 ounces. Yup, I get a little fatter every year, just like humans!

Pants weighs 5 pounds, 3 ounces. That's WAY skinny :( but I guess I wouldn't wanna eat either if my mouth hurt! They injected her with fluids -- THAT MADE HER BODY LOOK SO WEIRD. She's so skinny, right? But there's this big ball of smooshiness moving around in it -- Mommy says it looked like she had a water balloon -- whatever that is! --under her skin.

Oh, and Mommy's silly -- she didn't remember that she had Pants' teeth cleaned last year, so she's been feeling guilty for no reason. She thought maybe Pants got sick because she ignored the torturist's recommendation to get some teeth pulled and stuff. Um, hello -- Mommy, we use a "torture" tag on here so that you'll KNOW how often you put us through all this crap!

I'm done for the year. The boys better be going soon or I'm gonna cry "no fair!"

I haven't decided whether I'll go to bed with Mommy tonight. I'm very "meh" towards her right now. I bet SHE never gets tortured but she makes us do it every year.

~ Snickers

After gizzi1213 confirmed what we had all come to suspect, we had a family meeting. On Mommy's bed, while she slept. She's so oblivious when she sleeps.

We've concluded that Mommy's been lying to us about those filthy "outside" critters who keep invading our home. Clearly her word means nothing. Clearly she's elevated their status.

My BFF Pants says this is par for the course, Mommy promised her "no more cats" after me and Anakin came along, yet we now have a doofus named Gryffin living here.

Anakin is not concerned, as the two creatures defer to him as leader and show him the proper respect. I think he's happy to have more minions, honestly. Hmph.

Gryffin doesn't know what to think. Of course he doesn't.

As for me... as long as Uncle Brian keeps coming around, I can make Mommy feel like crap by acting especially sweet and cuddly for him and not her. She says "awwww it's so cute how she loves you!" like she's not jealous, but I think she's toooootally jealous under that. Ha! She should be! If she can keep getting more cats, we can get more humans! Besides, Uncle Brian is awesome - he never picks me up, or squishes me, or kisses my head. He just pets me. And he defends my honor to Grandpa when he says I'm the bad one and Anakin's the good one!

Anyway. We didn't wake her up, but one of the critters did. Uncle Brian had let one of them out when he was here, but not the other - not the whiny one. So she stumbled out of bed to go let him out, and it was like 0500 so we thought maybe she'd feed us while she's up, we followed her... but noooooooo she went back to bed!

About the only thing she's done right lately is she gave me a new bed. This was accidental on her part, but she hasn't yet thrown it away and she won't as long as I keep using it. It's a big cardboard box with plastic around the top. See how perfect? I love boxes, and I love to chew on plastic, and here I can do both at the same time!

Oooooo gotta go, breakfast time! Finally!

~ Snickers

The only good thing about today was that it was just me and Pants going. The boys go on Wednesday. HA HA, we got this out of the way already!

I got the new bright pink jail cell this time, and I couldn't break out of it. So no bleeding this year. I guess that's another good thing. Pants and I yowled in stereo all the way down to the Torture Chamber. Yeah, we know it doesn't make Mommy turn around and bring us home - she's mean! - but it sure feels good to tell her exactly how pissed off we are.

I was pretty scared so I peed in my cell. Then I was happy to hang out on the scale. I got pee on that too. One of the torturers cleaned out my cell and fitted it with some sort of puppy pee pad, so naturally I didn't pee any more after that.

We're both about the same weight as last year. I'm 10.9 pounds which actually is a wee bit fatter than last year and Pants is 8.6 pounds. We're healthy as can be, except Pants really needs her teeth done. The Head Torturer put her on a 2-year vaccination schedule, because apparently old cats have good immunities built up and don't need it so often... so I would say GOOD FOR HER but I've heard this teeth-cleaning business is pretty nasty. My pearly whites are in excellent condition, thank God. I'm 4 1/2 and they say most cats have mouth problems by age 3. I'm SPESHUL!

I love Pants, I really do, but she's too nice. I've tried to get her to join my "I hate Mommy" club and hide for the next 2 days to make Mommy worry, but she's already rubbing up against Mommy's legs looking for more attention - well, that and protection from my doofus brother Anakin who's being a total jerk to us both. He gets all crazy when he smells that pungent stench of torture!

And what's this now - Mommy's leaving the house? She's going to spend the day with a sick friend? WHAT ABOUT US? What if we have reactions to those shots? Though Mommy says that's totally rare and if it was gonna happen, it would have happened by now. How can I hate her if she's not even here?

Bah.

~ Snickers

...Mommy took Bailey to the doc to make him go to sleep forever.

Mommy thinks I don't miss him, but I do. I still do. Yes, I've latched onto Pants as my substitute cuddle-muffin, but she's not as cuddly as Bailey was. She doesn't love me the same way i.e. she's not as inclined to put up with my clinginess as Bailey was.

I updated our userinfo. Mommy had Bailey's birthdate wrong! For a whole year she said he was born 12/19/05 instead of 12/19/95. Jeez. That would make him younger than me. I only like older cats!

I also changed our layout. I tried to get "Cuteness Attack" to work but the tags box was a little messed up, and I couldn't get it to display our pictures next to our entries. That's very important because I don't want anyone thinking *I* write the dumb things that Gryffin writes.

Anyway, yeah, a whole year. We're remembering our Bailey today. The other cats don't really miss him anymore(not even his mama Pants!) but I do, and Mommy still does. I've caught her crying for him a few times. But he's in a better place now, fat and happy and warm.

~Snickers

Mommy was gone for a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time! A really really really long time. She's so mean, she didn't even tell us she was going away or that she'd be back. Just ditched us, like she didn't care at all.

Good thing Uncle Aaron was here to feed us and scoop our poop and all. We would have starved to death! But does Mommy think about these things? No, she's selfish.

All four of us kinda thought she was gone for good, to be honest. We started calling Uncle Aaron "Mommy" a few days ago, and started giving him "Mommy privileges" like sleeping on his head. So it was really bizarre when she came home the other night. The other 3 were so happy to see her they forgave her right away. But not me. I hid. I must say, it was really satisfying hearing her call for me and still staying in hiding. Seemed like she really wanted to see me. Ha! Well, was she there when I wanted to see her for the past FOREVER? No. So I gave her a taste of her own medicine.

My curiosity eventually got the better of me, though, and I had to join the others in checking out her luggage. So many interesting smells on that. Namely, another cat. She was cheating on us! Mommy saw me sniffing at her luggage and she smiled and came over and tried to pet me, but I ran under the bed and refused to come out. She thought I was afraid of her. HA! I SO wasn't. I was pissed off. Damned if I was going to let her cheating hands touch me.

Uncle Brian came over after Mommy went to sleep and I whined to him. He gave me loads of attention and made me feel better. So by the time Mommy got up I decided to let things go, let her pet me again (but I refuse to purr for her yet, damnit). It was nice getting fed my breakfast at a decent hour (Uncle Aaron sleeps in WAY later than Mommy). And Mommy said she was really sorry for leaving me and stuff. I guess it's kind of nice having her home again. Meh.

~ Snickers

Yay, we got tagged by wenchcat!

1. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
2. Tag seven people to do the same.
3. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag whoever wants to do it.

Only, we're going to do 8, so each of us can list two.

As for me - Pants:
1) You know those long plastic box strap thingies? Mommy gets them on her Avon boxes all the time. She leaves them lying around on the floor. I like to take them and drag them into Mommy's shower (not while it's on, but any other time) while whining incessantly. I keep whining until she hollers "Shut up, Pants!" which usually makes me stop, at least for a while. She has no idea why I do this. It's my secret!

2) I am not a lap cat, I am a leg cat. I need to stretch out looooong. Jeans are my favorite. Not bare skin. If you're wearing short shorts I won't go near you.

Snickers:
3) I have a plastic bag fetish. Mmmmmm, plastic bags!

4) I'm a polydactyl. This means I'm special! I have an extra toe on each paw, making my feet rather large. I'm the smallest cat (er, might be tied with Pants) in the house with the biggest feet. Awkward, much?

Anakin:
5) I like water. I like getting wet. I like sticking my head under faucets. I like going in the shower when it's on (though not directly in the stream, that's a bit too much water for me). I like going in the shower right after it's turned off and letting it drip on my head while I lick the wall. I like water!

6) I express myself physically a little different than the other cats besides being a big bully, I mean. I like to head-butt, and when Mommy's sitting I like to climb up her back and rub the back of her head too. She likes that!

Gryffin (who isn't supposed to do the meme? but insists on it anyway :P)
7) Is being dumb a quirk? When someone calls my name, I look all around, everywhere except at the person saying my name. People think this means I'm "a little slow" but really I just do it for fun. Yeah. >.>

8) I don't get the whole cuddling thing. I see how the other cats do it, rubbing against legs and hands and leaning into touches and stuff... I just can't do it. I don't know how. You can pet me, but I don't really respond that much. You'll know I'm really liking it by the fact that I'm purring - and maybe also by me biting your feet. I love feet!

Yeah, we're not gonna tag anyone. We don't have 7 friends, do we? Do it if you want to :)

~ Pants

There are four of us inside. But now there are five of us OUTside. A little mommy cat with four babies.

I admit, they're kind of cute. I like watching them from my perch at the window. They amuse me with their antics. My dorky brother Anakin and that idiot Gryffin keep pawing at the window. They're SO dumb, do they think they can actually reach through there and grab the little rodents? Pants - being female, like myself - is of course smarter than that; she stays away from that window completely.

This one little gray kitten figured out how to climb up on the windowsill last night. It just sat there looking in. Mommy wanted to bring it inside but we all deathglared at her and nixed that bad idea. We're inside, they're outside. That's how it's going to stay. They are good for entertainment purposes, but I don't want the little buggers pouncing on me and eating my food!

Time for my early evening nap. Toodles!

~Snickers